Only 3 months had gone by since we decided to keep trying for a baby instead of me getting a Lletz procedure and Surprise! Pregnant. This was the one for sure… after all “the fourth would be born.” I kept that pregnancy test in a zip-lock bag and wrote THE 4TH WILL BE BORN on it. Athletes visualize winning and people make vision boards of things they want to achieve, well, this was my declaration of faith, visualizing what God had said to me, keeping his promise in front of my eyes every day.
The day we went for our ultrasound and actually saw our baby and heard a heart beating for the first time in 4 pregnancies , I can’t even explain the joy I felt, but I always had that fear trying to come on me of, “what if we lost this one too”… every time I felt that way I would just chant “The 4th will be born, the 4th will be born” over and over until the fear was replaced with faith. Aside from having full 9 months of morning sickness, most of my pregnancy was fine. I had a couple little hiccups but otherwise no complications and bub was strong and healthy. Finally, After almost 3 years of trying, and all the heartbreak and disappointment. Ezran was born, whose name means, blessing from God. He is perfect, adorably chunky, happy as can be and worth every tear we shed.
Once I healed from my c-section I went back to the doctor, now ready and fully prepared to get my lletz procedure and get those issues sorted but when I went for all my tests… nothing… from high grade active cells to no active cells at all, they sent me home, no need for the procedure after all. If I had let that doctor pressure me into getting it done, Ezran would not exist and who knows if we would have ever gotten our little miracle. I trusted my gut and my God. From that suicidal girl who couldn’t see a future, to having all I ever wanted and more. Its not happily ever after and all sunshine and rainbows, it’s constantly a battle, new problems and issues arise all the time but its how you deal with them that matters. Remember… The same boiling water that softens the potato also hardens the egg. Choosing to let the little things slide and have understanding and forgiveness on the big things.
Managing Mayhem 