For most of my life up until this point I was a self-proclaimed atheist with a resentment for God. I would often tell people “There is no God but if there is I hate him.” Growing up in churches I witnessed a lot of hypocrisy in Christians and well, the “God” they always preached about, how he loved everyone… I had never felt loved so why would I believe them? For me it was just a story I had to hear every Sunday in church.
Now I’m not normally a big dreamer, I go to sleep not much happens or if I do dream, I struggle to remember it and could barely tell you what it was about. However, this one night, in a dream, I woke up suddenly sat upright in my bed and looked out the window. It was the early hours of morning and up in the sky there was this light… a light so bright and the purest form of white, unlike anything I have ever seen. In the light was the figure of a man but I couldn’t see any details of him because it was like looking directly into the sun. Then he spoke, not out loud, but it was like he spoke straight into my mind and said “I am back, and you have missed out.” Then I woke up…
I laid in my bed, still dark outside, trying to make sense of what had just happened. It felt so real, like every detail of my room was there, the pounding in my chest was still there, even the words in my head were still echoing. Growing up in churches I knew of the scriptures talking about a moment like this.
Matthew 24:27- behold, he is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see him…
Matthew 25:13 – for as the lightning comes from the east and shines as far as the west, so will be the coming of the son of man.
Matthew 24: 1-51-…and they will see the son of man coming in a cloud with power and great glory…
Revelation 22:12- therefore you also must be ready, for the son of man is coming at an hour you do not expect.
And that’s just a few. Even still, it was just a dream, right? so I brushed it off and tried to forget about it. A couple months went by and one day I needed fuel, being a single mum, I didn’t always have money to get through the fortnight. I knew I had a about enough in my bank to get a bit of fuel and something for dinner. At the register in the service station, I was lined up behind a lady whose card was declining, I peered over her shoulder to see how much it was and I had just enough to cover hers and mine. She seemed so stressed I felt bad for her. I stepped forward and offered to pay for it, the lady behind the counter gave me 10% off for my good deed and I felt pretty good about it but now I didn’t have much left for dinner.
I checked my bank thinking maybe I could just get something cheap for dinner, but when I did, my account still had money in it? the purchase of the fuel did go out but there was a deposit of almost the exact same amount straight after. The deposit was from Centrelink, but it wasn’t pay day and the description said “onetime bonus allowance” I’d never heard of that before?… Then I remembered the bible again…
Proverbs 19:17 – whoever is kind to the poor lends to the lord, and he will reward them for what they have done.
Philippians 4:8- give and it will be given to you…
I’m not the type of person who believes in coincidence, I believe everything happens for a reason, so now I was curious. I tagged along with my mum to a couple big churches, but I just got angry being there thought “All Christians are the same, what was I doing, I don’t believe this stuff and I don’t feel any better being there.”
Not long after I had a total break down, laying on my mums’ bed, bawling my eyes out about how disappointed I was with my life, that I was never going to amount to anything, that I would never have the thing I wanted most… a family of my own with a husband who loved me. She asked me to try one more church, a small one, with young pastors about my age. What else did I have to lose? so the next morning we did and what happened there would cement my belief that God is real forever…
Managing Mayhem 